Start with the Heart by Kathy Koch

Author:Kathy Koch [Koch, Kathy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780802418852
Publisher: Moody Publishers
Published: 2019-03-05T05:00:00+00:00

Use helpful, non-bullying language

When you need to point out children’s weaknesses and correct them, your choice of words matters. For example, calling children “fat” isn’t appropriate. “Overweight” might be an accurate word. “Needs more exercise” and “would benefit from making smarter food choices” might both be accurate. It doesn’t do children any good to call them “fat.” That’s a word children use on the playground when wanting to put children down. They shouldn’t hear this in your home.

Plus, the word “fat” doesn’t motivate children to change. I know in my desire to lose weight, the words I assign myself matter greatly. People who think of themselves as fat might overeat and not think much about whether the food they choose to eat is healthy. Even when I have thought of myself as “overweight,” I would sometimes look at a restaurant’s menu and choose unhealthy food, thinking “I’m already overweight so it doesn’t matter.”

The identity “I’m making healthier food choices” matters to me. I started with “I can make healthier food choices” and then “I will make healthier food choices.” Now, “I’m making better choices.” Once true, it’s easier to maintain the behavior.

What are some examples from your life or a child’s life? When talking with a group of boys, one admitted his mom called him a “lazy slob.” Others chimed in that they’ve been told that, too. The first boy told me he didn’t understand what “lazy” and “slob” had to do with each other or what his mom meant. What’s an accurate and kinder way this mom could have communicated her concern?

Are there any negative words you could stop using? Maybe you started in times of great frustration when you felt hopeless. I get it. You can change. Your children will be more resilient if you do. Plan ahead and think of better words or phrases to communicate in a helpful, more positive way. Negative words children have shared with me, sometimes with tears, include stupid, dumb, good-for-nothing, a waste, high maintenance, and disgusting.

I’ll never forget one of the girls who said she was called “disgusting.” She admitted that her parents called the thing she was doing disgusting (e.g., playing with her food, telling a weird joke, wearing dirty clothes) and not her directly. But she said that didn’t matter. She still felt they were calling her disgusting.

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